are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
