I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
