Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
