I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
