Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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