so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We left the knife in your bed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
