We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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