I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
