Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
