I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
