do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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