Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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