Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
