Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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