My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize