I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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