Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize