I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize