dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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