Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
