I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish my penis had an off switch
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I touched a dick in church today
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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