apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
