Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
