he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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