just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
