i just wanna soil my oats bro
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize