Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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