just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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