we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
