I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
