i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
