Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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