He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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