Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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