i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
