i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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