This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
