I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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