hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize