You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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