My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
