there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
