chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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