please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
