Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My ass is underappreciated
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
