How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
