well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
