I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize