i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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