Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
