I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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