Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
