All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Quick, to the slutcave!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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