Whod you bang
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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