he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
