I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
