You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
