My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
