Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
