I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
