I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
3 2 1 whiskey
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
