I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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