get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
