saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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