I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Someone signed my nipple.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
